I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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