im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
