i already hear my dad disowning me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
