my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
