I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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