I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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