Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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