1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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