Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
People in love make me want to vomit
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
