how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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