new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
