So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
