Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
