I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I only lived at night.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
