by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
