Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
