Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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