Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
