We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
