mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
