By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
