Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
