i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
