You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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