i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
