it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
