God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
