you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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