I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
