Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
