you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
