not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
