I just threw up on my dentist
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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