I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
