He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
