I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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