yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
