you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
