I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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