I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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