I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
