I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
