it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
