I want to stick my p in your. b.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
