mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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