is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
