...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
honey bunches of taint.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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