She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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