NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
