hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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