Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
