): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
