Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
